Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
