True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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