y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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