the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
