She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
