Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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