I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
