Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
