I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i have herpe
just one?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize