spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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