Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
