I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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