are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
