i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
