Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
