last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
