Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
