I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didn't notice because vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
