So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
