i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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