Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
