I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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