sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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