It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
