i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
