love makes seman taste better
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
