Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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