I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
