Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
