My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
birth control should be required to get into college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
