My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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