my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
