She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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