it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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