I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
