We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
