We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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