i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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