if i can run in heels then i can drive
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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