I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
