you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
