well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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