Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
the raccoons are back...
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