Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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