So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
