:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
