I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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