If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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