eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
