He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
