we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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